Tonight Cris has administered the dreaded trigger shot, which marks the halfway point of our IVF process. This shot will trigger ovulation, and we are very hopeful of having at least 10 eggs to collect. The trigger shot was into the buttocks, but we iced it beforehand, so I did not feel it that much. What a relief!!! Tomorrow, I only have to take my prenatal vitamin and my Aspirin, no shots!!!
I have been pretty uncomfortable for the past week, but I expect it to get worse, so every time I feel a little better, even for a few hours I try to make the best of it. Hard to believe we have the egg retrieval in two days. Wow!!! This day finally came too! The most dominant thought on my mind lately is how many embryos to implant. It has always been a choice between 2 or 3, but there is a huge difference between these numbers when they equate to the potential number of babies we could have! On one hand, my biggest fear is that this whole process results in no pregnancy, so looking at it from that angle, I would prefer to add an extra embryo for insurance. On the other hand, if I am thinking about the toll triplets would take on my body, I get pretty scared. So this decision will need some help from the Universe, Cris, and Dr. Chang, but I am sure together we will figure it out.
I am very grateful for getting this far. I am also very grateful for the help I have gotten from my husband and my healthcare professionals whom I also like to call “my baby team.” No matter what, I feel very lucky to have the life I have and grateful for the people in my life.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
My IVF Buddy is the Best!
As the treatment is intensifying I am reminded several times a day how lucky I am to have Cris by my side. Just the fact that he helps administer all the shots is a great deal of help. But lately I noticed other small gifts that Cris is giving me. He tells me that I am doing a good job and that he is sorry that I have to have these shots. The other day when we were watching Dexter, he told me that Julia Stiles did not look that good, and he thought I looked better than her. I smiled. J I don’t look better then Julia, especially lately. I just want to wear my sweats and lay on the couch. And the laying around is just starting, so I am loading up my Netflix cue.
But I want to go back to my original topic, my husband, my IVF Buddy. I honestly can’t imagine going through this with anyone else. He is so committed to the process itself, and I see the signs of patenthood starting to show on him. He sold his beloved car this past week for more than one reasons, but one of them being that it was a two door coupe, so not very baby friendly. He then made another compromise…he picked a family friendly, fuel efficient but still sporty car as a replacement. So we purchased a Honda Civic Si Sedan. It is great to see him happy about his new ride and I am happy he was able to compromise.
Cris will be a great Dad some day. He adores his baby niece and he is so at ease with her. I hope we have our family soon so I can see Cris with his own child. His child will be very lucky to have him, how I am very lucky to have him. He is my partner and I am happy he is taking this journey with me.
But I want to go back to my original topic, my husband, my IVF Buddy. I honestly can’t imagine going through this with anyone else. He is so committed to the process itself, and I see the signs of patenthood starting to show on him. He sold his beloved car this past week for more than one reasons, but one of them being that it was a two door coupe, so not very baby friendly. He then made another compromise…he picked a family friendly, fuel efficient but still sporty car as a replacement. So we purchased a Honda Civic Si Sedan. It is great to see him happy about his new ride and I am happy he was able to compromise.
Cris will be a great Dad some day. He adores his baby niece and he is so at ease with her. I hope we have our family soon so I can see Cris with his own child. His child will be very lucky to have him, how I am very lucky to have him. He is my partner and I am happy he is taking this journey with me.
Monday, April 9, 2012
4 weeks to go...
I lie last night and think to myself…”I am IVF.” IVF and I became one. Once I felt that I owned it, it didn’t feel so scary. IVF is now a part of my life’s story and I am making peace with it. It feels good to be at peace with IVF. It actually has been surprising to me how strong I have been feeling lately. I have no idea where my strength is coming from, but I know I need it.
We began the Lupron shoots last week along with antibiotics and steroids. I can tell my body is getting a little more tired and sluggish, but I am in no pain, which is really nice. Starting this week, we will begin with the heavy hitters. I am actually looking forward to it, because the sooner we start, the sooner it will end. The funny thing is that I can’t really think about the “end”, because I would have to think about what comes after IVF. My mind does not want to think about either scenario: 1) IVF works or 2) IVF fails. I think this is strange, but I am able to limit my thoughts only to the extent IVF continues and nothing beyond it. All my life I was a planner, working toward my goals. With IVF, I am working toward my goal of having a family, but it feels that I am really deliberately living in the moment, experiencing it fully. I was told by multiple people to visualize a positive outcome, but I really don’t want to do it. Being a logical person, I know our chances are about 40%. As I am going through this I am doing everything I can to be healthy, both physically and mentally, but visualizing a positive outcome feels like setting myself up for a more hurtful realization if it does not work. It feels like lying to myself. And if it does work, that’s even scarier to think about! I will have a baby! Every woman starts out thinking that she will be a Mom when she is ready. But after you are told otherwise by experts, having a baby sounds more of a miracle than a normal course of life. So if this miracle happens to me, I am not sure what I will do. The good news is, I still have at least 4 weeks before I have to face the outcome of IVF!!! Until then, I get to enjoy the ins and outs of this fascinating medical experiment. :)
We began the Lupron shoots last week along with antibiotics and steroids. I can tell my body is getting a little more tired and sluggish, but I am in no pain, which is really nice. Starting this week, we will begin with the heavy hitters. I am actually looking forward to it, because the sooner we start, the sooner it will end. The funny thing is that I can’t really think about the “end”, because I would have to think about what comes after IVF. My mind does not want to think about either scenario: 1) IVF works or 2) IVF fails. I think this is strange, but I am able to limit my thoughts only to the extent IVF continues and nothing beyond it. All my life I was a planner, working toward my goals. With IVF, I am working toward my goal of having a family, but it feels that I am really deliberately living in the moment, experiencing it fully. I was told by multiple people to visualize a positive outcome, but I really don’t want to do it. Being a logical person, I know our chances are about 40%. As I am going through this I am doing everything I can to be healthy, both physically and mentally, but visualizing a positive outcome feels like setting myself up for a more hurtful realization if it does not work. It feels like lying to myself. And if it does work, that’s even scarier to think about! I will have a baby! Every woman starts out thinking that she will be a Mom when she is ready. But after you are told otherwise by experts, having a baby sounds more of a miracle than a normal course of life. So if this miracle happens to me, I am not sure what I will do. The good news is, I still have at least 4 weeks before I have to face the outcome of IVF!!! Until then, I get to enjoy the ins and outs of this fascinating medical experiment. :)
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